i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
