Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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