My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
