Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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