PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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