Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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