It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
