Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
