Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
