when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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