So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
