Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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