Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
