I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
