a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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