FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
