she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
