There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize