do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
