there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
