How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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