May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I puked a lego.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
