just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
