I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
