There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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