i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
BRING THE BAGELS
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