Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
