was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
