yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
