he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
