you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
