i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
