I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
