I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
