I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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