I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
