So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
