these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
