i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
