Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
