i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
