This girl is more easily done than said...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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