Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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