drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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