her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
