Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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