...so i touched it.
I wish I only lived at night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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