Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
