where does the pee come out of this thing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
