2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
