If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
