either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
