So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
