Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize