i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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