I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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