I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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