I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
