well you can't waste a boner
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
