Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
