dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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