I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
