what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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