Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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