I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
