After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
