sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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