I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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