btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
