My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
