I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
