The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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